


A Song In His Heart

by GhostFox



Series: Scattered Light and Drabbles [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, POV Hinata Shouyou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 02:43:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5399906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostFox/pseuds/GhostFox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chunk of chapter 10 told from Hinata's perspective. Contains major spoilers for the main fic so check that out first!</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Song In His Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This was suggested to me by the wonderful crucru-chan! Thank you so much!! This was honestly exactly what I needed to gain a little bit of my motivation back.
> 
>  
> 
> I convinced myself that over don't mean over  
> And I convinced myself that I could fix it all  
> Two dreams collided maybe we got too excited for our own good
> 
> No more - hold on we can make it  
> No more holding each other while the words all break it  
> Move on you know we'll be stronger in the end
> 
> And all I ever wanted  
> All I ever wanted  
> All I ever wanted  
> Was you
> 
> -Train

There's something about the world being so quiet that makes your thoughts so loud. My feelings never screamed at me the way they do now before the morning I woke to silence. At first I thought it was a curse, how deafening my anger was, how thunderous the sadness, but it was a double-edged sword in the best way. My creativity, my joy, my inspiration, my  _love_ , they all sang at the top of their lungs against my skull until I started to understand it wasn't all bad. Except all of this was for my ears alone; a siren song that could only pull in one traveler. 

 

But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe those feelings are transmitted on a certain frequency that only some people can hear, and I hope with every fiber of my being that Kageyama Tobio is one of those special people. 

 

Meeting him was a miracle I didn't know I needed. He is a burst of color that I've never experienced before. The blue of his eyes like an unreachable galaxy, the black of his hair shining like the tip of a crow's wing, the pink of his lips soft as a rose petal yet deep like wine. Hues I've tried so hard to recreate on a palette yet never quite succeeding.

 

I was entranced the first time I saw him, but it’s hard to tell when I realized I loved him. I've fallen in love with him so many times I've lost count. I fell in love with the way he looked up at the stars so many nights ago as if they held the answers to every question he could ask, with the way his music felt against my fingertips, the warmth I could feel through the sheets as we slept so close together so far from home, with the fear in his eyes as he left me, with the bravery in them when he came back. I loved him the most as I gripped his hand underneath the diner table back at a home that didn't feel was mine anymore, and I know that somewhere deep down he loves me too. 

 

And now I can add one more moment to the list, as he makes eye contact with me over the crowd at Suga and Daichi's wedding, the words flowing from his mouth so incredibly beautiful that they're almost tangible. 

 

"...that day was the start of something new," he says, stopping to breathe. I watch the inhale pass through his body, his shoulders relaxing almost imperceptibly only to tense back up when he meets my eyes. There's a fire behind them, making me feel as if he's talking to me alone. 

 

Was that the night I saw Suga leaving his apartment for the first time? I remember the way my heart sank as I saw him through my open front door, but I couldn't help but like him immediately as he waved at me with a warm smile and one of the cookies I left gripped in his hand. Sometimes I still worry that I'll never mean as much to Kageyama as Suga does, but I figure that being number two to such an amazing person can't be too bad. 

 

"It's March now, only a little over five months has passed since then, but so much has changed," he continues, and I couldn't agree more. I'm a completely different person than when we met, and I know he is too. I've watched him grow so much and I don’t know if he understands how proud of him I am. 

 

"I see it every day. So much more love exists in the world now, their soft edges infecting us all and making everyone, even me, see through their rose colored glasses. Suga and Daichi make all of us able to see love around us, to understand what it looks like, what it  _feels_ like to have someone else's fingers wrapped around your heart, with the potential to squeeze their fist at any time." I definitely feel it. I feel it right this second; Kageyama's fingers tapping against the walls of my most vital organ, their place permanently imprinted there. 

 

"The one thing I've learned is that if you are lucky enough to find a love like these two; grab it. Grab it and run, never let go, and never let it down." 

 

I watch as everyone claps, but I can't move, rooted to the spot by the weight of everything he just said. Is this a sign? A celestial nudge in the right direction telling me to let him know how I feel? I'm probably over thinking it but can't help but feel that those last two sentences have a deeper meaning than they seem. 

 

This day has been confusing, to say the least, a roller coaster of feelings, my mood changing by the second. I was so excited to spend it with everyone I care about, but I can't help but feel as if something is off; with Kageyama especially. I wanted to ask what was wrong but Suga pulled him away before I had the chance, and now as I watch him slip away from the front table and into the outer hallway after his speech everything that I speculated comes crashing down on me. He's avoiding me, and I have no idea what I did. 

 

The closing door behind him rings so loudly in my head, but I refuse to let this go. I can't, not after what he just said. I stand to follow him, but before I reach the door Natsu steps in front of me, an inquiring shine to her eyes that I'm all too familiar with. 

 

"What's up with you and Kageyama?" I've never understood how she can put so much tone inter her signing; be it sass, excitement, or accusation like it is right now. 

 

I think about making up some excuse, but if I know anything about my sister it's that she's not an idiot and knows exactly how to tell if I'm lying. "I honestly don't know. I was about to go ask," I say, shrugging as I drop my hands back to my sides. 

 

There's worry in the way she knits her eyebrows together, looking exactly like me when I make the same face. She knows how I feel about him, and I know that she feels the same in a much more platonic way. "Be patient with him ok?"

 

I nod and she throws her arms around me, soft breath tickling my ear as she whispers something. I don't bother to ask, knowing full well what she's said. "You've got my sunflower," the words she always tells me when I need support, the same way my mom did so many years ago. 

 

When I push the door open Kageyama is making his way back towards the door, his eyes blowing wide when he sees me. "There you are," I sigh, feeling the vibration of my own words in my throat. That's still something I'm not quite used to despite dealing with it for thirteen years. 

 

"I, uh, just stepped in the bathroom for a bit," he lifts his eyes from the floor to my face and I wonder if he can tell the slight shade of pink on my cheeks from the rest of my face. "Talking in front of everyone made me kind of nervous." I want to believe that's the case. I always want to believe what people tell me, as naive as that may be, but I can't help but think there's something else. 

 

"You did great," I try to reassure him with a smile, my signing sloppy as I try to angle my hands so he can't see how nervously sweaty they are. "Everyone really liked it." I really liked it. I liked it so much that I'm probably going to do something very stupid very soon. 

 

I try my best to read what he says but my eyes refuse to stay trained on his face so I only catch something about rambling. "No it was good. Really good," I reply, tentatively since I'm not exactly sure what I'm replying to. That's a really bad habit of mine; being too prideful to ask people to repeat themselves and just rolling with it. 

 

We stand in awkward silence for a few moments, something I don't think has ever happened between us. "I'm going to head back in," he says, the way he points his thumb at the door feeling like a quick knife jab to my chest. "Suga is probably looking for me."

 

He starts to move past me, and I can feel every frantic beat of my heart inside my head. It's now or never, Shouyou. Never let it go, and never let it down. I hold my breath and grab his sleeve, warm and familiar in my fingers. When he turns and meets my eyes I watch as his lips move over my name, confusion dripping between the syllables. 

 

"Did I do something?" I speak instead of signing. He always seems to respond to my voice more intensely than my hands, and this time isn't an exception, his face looking like a kicked puppy. 

 

"What do you mean?" His bottom lip quivers as he speaks. Kageyama tends to think that he's hardened on the outside, jaded and cynical to any passing eye, but he shows so much emotion on his face. Even to someone who doesn't know where to look for it like I do he's an open book, everything he feels spelled out on his features. It's beautiful. 

 

Letting go of his sleeve is like peeling off a band aid, a tingling pain in my empty hand. "You've been avoiding me. Did I do upset you or something?"

 

He opens his mouth to respond but I continue; words filling up inside me and I'm afraid if I pause I'll lose them. Because if I did just tell me. I'll try my best to fix it. Whatever it is." I wonder if he can see the pleading in my eyes; the desperation to not let this fall apart around us again. 

 

He holds a hand up to stop me, and I let him talk. "Hinata, listen." Even when everything feels wrong and on the verge of crumbling I still love the way his mouth forms my name. "You didn't do anything, I promise. This is all me. I'm just, I don't really know I'm just feeling a bit off I guess. I'll be fine." 

 

Maybe it's the naivety inside me again but I believe him. There's still a seed of doubt that tells me it isn't that easy but I let his words calm me a bit. "Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask, worry outweighing my faux relief. 

 

"No, I'm fine, really." I feel like I just got punched in the gut, all of my air being forced out of my lungs at once. He tries to move past me again but I throw up my hands to sign. 

 

"Why?" The question screams in my head, louder than I can explain, and I hope he can hear it. "Why do you always shut me out? You can't deal with everything alone! You don't have to!" If I wasn't using my hands my fists would be clenched, a desperate sort of anger coursing through my veins. 

 

I can see his eyes searching for an answer, but he settles on "I said it's nothing." Those four words set my blood aflame in such a way that I haven't felt since I was a kid. 

 

"Stop lying to me!" I'm screaming it with my hands, wanting my words to slam against his chest the way his do against mine. I want to make him feel what I feel, like everything is slipping out of my grasp. I want him to love me the way I love him. 

 

"Why the fuck do you care?" It's so loud I can feel it reverberate off of the narrow hallway walls. I can feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. "Why won't you let it go?"

 

"Because I don't want you to leave again!" Do my words reverberate too? Can he hear how loud I'm screaming? "I can't handle it," I sign, my hands shaking so hard I let them fall to my sides, my tears following as I relinquish control of them. 

 

"Don't," he says, and I can barely make it out through my blurry vision. Don't what? We've already thrown everything away. What else can I do?

 

"I can't," I say, and I have no idea if my words are even discernible through the thickness in my throat. "I need you."

 

"Hinata," he mutters, stepping forward, and I try not to commit the way his mouth quivers over my name this time to memory. "Please. Just stop."

 

What's the point? With everything we had scattered around our feet like shards of broken glass reflecting what ifs in the dingy fluorescent light what do we have left but honesty? I reach up and grab his shirt in my fingers, feeling his chest, solid and warm as his heart beats. "I love you, you goddamn idiot."

 

I yank him down without thinking about it enough to stop myself, wanting to feel his lips against mine at least once before he's gone. It's frantic, our lips moving together like the erratic beat of my heart, the soft taste of iron as his lip snags between our teeth. I'm waiting for him to push me away; to scream or hit me, not that anything could hurt me more than I already am, with my tears clinging to the corner of our mouths. 

 

He grabs my face, surprising me as he pulls me gently back instead of shoving me away, and I can see his words in his eyes before he says them as he leans our foreheads together. "I love you too," he whispers, and I can barely see it from this angle but I understand completely. "And I can't believe you beat me to it."

 

I feel blindsided, completely in shock from everything we've just been through. Stunned in the best way possible. I can't keep my cheeks from stretching into a smile as I look up at him, and I can see some of the haze fade from those blue eyes I love so much. I want to swim in them; I want to  _drown_  in them. I want to dip my head in those waters and never surface because what's the point of living without him in my lungs. 

 

I reach behind me until I find a doorknob, not caring what's behind it, and push him inside, giggling as he makes contact with the floor and I fall on top of him in the dark. I'm taken over by almost childlike giddiness as I run my hands over his chest, tracing his outline and committing it to memory. His lips press against mine again and I suddenly understand the saying that the night is darkest just before the dawn; I'd feel that pain in the hallway a million times over just to get to reach this point. 

 

I can feel him whispering against my lips when he manages to take a breath, and I know that he's saying those three beautiful words over and over again. I'm saying them too, but I do it through the way I touch him, pushing and pulling as my hands roach his face, his back, his hair. He speaks with his mouth and I through my hands, as always. 

 

It's sloppy, his tongue leaving a wet trail on my lips and our teeth clicking together. I stop, sitting up on his lap and giggling again. "You suck at this," I tell him, one hand still on his face as I trace his lips. He responds but I have no way of knowing what he says, so instead I take his hand and hold it against my chest, letting my heart speak for me, hoping it knows the right words to say. 

 

We stay silent for a while, and I let myself start to actually believe it's real, that this is really Kageyama u underneath my thighs and that his heart actually beats on the same rhythm as mine. 

 

He reaches for my arm, and I listen as he says his words on the skin of my forearm. 

 

**We should head back**

 

I lean forward, planning to kiss the top of his nose in some show of cute romanticism but I land instead on his eyelid, giggling again. I feel so cheesy, but it's just Kageyama that fills me with so much glee. "Okay," I answer, scrambling off of his lap and cracking the closet door open to check if the hallway is clear. 

 

The sudden light is disoriented, but I don't see anyone outside so I wave him over, pulling him up by his hand and quickly kissing his knuckles before letting go. "You go first," I tell him, glad to be able to sign again. "I'll follow in a few minutes. 

 

He steps out into the light of the hallway, but before he goes he wraps me in a hug, kissing the top of my head as I laugh into his chest. I have to push him off and basically force him to go before he turns away from me, but I can't get my cheeks to relax. 

 

I watch as he slips back into the reception hall, the sensation of his lips still against my face, and I already miss him. It's dumb, feeling like this when I know that he's just a few feet away and he won't be leaving anytime soon, but having him anywhere but pressed against me feels as if we're miles apart. 

 

My thoughts are cacophonous, never ending and constantly screaming inside of me, but with him it's okay. With him the constant thrumming in my skull is his love, the words are his wishes, the droning hum is his promises, and all I want to be is the song in his heart. 


End file.
